“Just let it out Margo!” my daughter urged. She started calling me Margo at a young age, whenever yelling “Mom! Mom! Mom!” didn’t get my attention.
Clearly, she thought I had been keeping silent too long. An hour of heavy sighs, muted mumblings and grumblings might have been the tip-off. “No, it’s stupid. I’m being judgemental. A little thing like that shouldn’t bother me,” I said.
“Like you always tell me, Mom. Just do it!”
As a parent, it’s always very satisfying when you hear your own words echo from your child’s lips. Well, maybe not always. Not when your three-year-old shouts “a$$hole” from the backseat when you swerve into the next lane because someone has cut you off. It is definitely cool though, when they are approaching twenty-five and have an opinion you agree with. So, today I am going to take her advice and break my silence:
Sometimes I feel like I’ve woken up on planet ABSURDIA!
Where else could a dotted vowel and a foreign word meaning ‘dog’ sucker seduce you into buying a frozen dairy product for your canine population? It might work for Häagen-Dazs, but I’m a human being – not a turd eating, mud-puddle lapping hound.
And where else but on planet ABSURDIA could you be brainwashed into believing assured that every hound needs his daily dose of pooch specific probiotic to make sure he has a happy colon (addresses the puddle-slurping and poop eating, I suppose) AND that you are getting an incredible deal when you buy four single servings for only $9.99 – as opposed to one for $2.99?
Yes, my fellow dog-owning consumer – that is U.S. dollars – greenbacks, samolies, bucks. It’s three George Washingtons a bite if you happen to house a sizable four-footed friend that doesn’t know the difference between a dainty lick and a gluttonous gulp, or an Alexander Hamilton, if you go for the bargain.
The banana and peanut butter flavored frozen goodies on offer almost seems reasonable when compared to the marrow bones for sale on the neighboring planet of
EFFINGLUDICROUS
where,
– one, single, meatless BONE –
(it’s not a steak people)
is available in two sizes:
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
and
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,
but sadly, only one flavor,
for a mere seven or nine dollars,
which lends truth to the statement that indeed,
‘It’s a mad, mad world.’
Now, this is where my children would advise me to return to the sound of silence – to zip it, put a sock in it, shut my pie hole. I’ve said my piece. I’ve voiced my peeve – a pet one too, for all intents and purposes. But I can’t…
Not while on a distant evolving heavenly body known to some as planet REALITY-CHECK, for what it would cost to keep their pooches frolicking in frozen yogurt on ABSURDIA, they are instead feeding 1 of their fellow human beings for an entire year. The World Food Programme, an aid arm of the United Nations, estimates that it only needs $170 to end hunger for one person for an entire year.
(c) RPWeidner 2010
A mere pittance when you think of what we spend on our pets, isn’t it?
Nevertheless, I wish Yöghund well.
I hear the competition is getting RUFF rough out there:
Aaaand…there you have it. My peeve – my opinion. You are welcome to agree, disagree, rant, rave, discard or disregard it. My only hope is that I haven’t stepped on anyone’s toes and that regardless, you will join me again next week. Thanks for listening…
Stay safe – and may your path always be bright.
Donna Gwinnell Lambo-Weidner 
This is brilliant – if you don’t mind I’d like to re-blog it for my have a rant section. Honestly apart from being hilarious and well written you’re also right. Thanks for sharing and I’m definitely coming back to visit.
LikeLike
Well, I don’t know about brilliant…but I’d be happy to have you back for a visit.
LikeLike
Well, I don’t think I need to comment. You know how I feel about the subject. As far as your writing is concerned though,I love the cross outs as well as the pictures. Illustrations are very important too!
Love ,
vic
LikeLike
Reblogged this on Unload and Unwind and commented:
This is one of the best rants I’ve seen/heard in a very long time so I just wanted to share.
LikeLike
Many thanks, Jenni!
LikeLike
Donna! This is genius, sheer genius… Right down to the “Pet” Peeve title!! And other great puns. I have been wondering where you’ve been recently? You’ve made your case so incredibly air tight, that the lawyers and marketers for Yoghund will need need far more than a jar opener.
LikeLike
Thank you!!!!!! I was away on a writer’s weekend, although we did more eating than writing, but I have been keeping up from afar, you Olympian you!
LikeLike
Loved this…you had me at ‘An hour of heavy sighs,’ – my teenagers tell me I do that too 🙂 I have to agree at the absurdity surrounding us but I would have been happy with just knowing i’m not the only mom who ‘sighs’ 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you Beth! I know what you mean…at least we get a lot of oxygen that way…good for the brain *sigh*
LikeLike
Haha, Margo!!! I totally agree with you and I love pets, all pets, but they are animals and it is ridiculous what inconspicuous consumption takes place in this country. Unfortunately, I wish I could share your view on feeding the hungry. Governments around the world prevent aid and money going to the poor so that they can keep their tyrannical thumbs on them and rule. Saudi Arabia has one of the worst poverty stricken people on the planet (who would think with all those riches, but they are pocketed by the Royal family). As sad as it is, we live in this world where people use people ruthlessly for their own power and wealth. I don’t know how to get around those dictators and those “Royals.” There is plenty to go around for every single human being in this world.
Love ya,
Ailine
LikeLike
You said it Ailine! I just wanted to get people thinking. Even in our own land of plenty there are people going to bed hungry and food deserts where the closest you can get to a fresh vegetable is a carrot chip in a can of dog food. Ahhhh, I think I’ll stop now…love you too!
LikeLike
Brilliant post. I’m with you all the way and I love the pic of that beautiful child. Can we send the World Food program $170? Sorry about the price of your bones!
LikeLike
No bones for my girls since leaving Germany…putting those bucks to better use. And wherever you decide to send your donation suits me just fine! Thanks Sistah!
LikeLike
Margo. Ha Ha. She’s just clever.
LikeLike
For added perspective, we have over 150 million dogs and cats – almost equally divided – in the US, living in 42 million households. In 2012, these pet owners spent over $ 50 billion, of which $ 12,5 was spent on alternative care such as acupuncture. At the same time, we have 46,5 million Americans living below the poverty level, with a food stamp allowance of $4,31 per day. Outside the US, 1 billion people live on less than $ 1 per day. I love my two labs, but we have to draw the line somewhere. The photo of this beautiful 3 year old girl was taken by me while vacationing in Cambodia. Everyday she is sent out, on her own, to beg for money.
LikeLike
I love you Mr. Man…thank you for presenting an even clearer picture of our world.
LikeLike
Ha ha!! This was awesome. Not only because of the humour, but because it is so true! Don’t get me wrong, I love my pets and animals in general, but c’mon! Who buys this stuff??
LikeLike
I love mine too Chickie. Thanks for chiming in!
LikeLike
Yogurt for dogs? Okay, I can understand special milk for tiny puppies when their Mom can’t feed them, but stone the flamin’ crows mate…yogurt especially manufactured for dogs? Margo, this link is really going to blow your mind…
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/luxury/travel/757/the-47000-holiday-for-dogs.html
LikeLike
Stone the flamin’ crows mate? OMG, I love you Lyn. As for the link, Planet Absurdia just changed its name to Insane-y-opia! Thanks for sharing it.
LikeLike
This is brilliant. They don’t have doggy probiotics over here in England (or at least they aren’t advertised) and your post has really made me laugh and I totally agree with you
LikeLike
Thank you Nikki…you may not have probiotics yet, but you do have this http://www.telegraph.co.uk/luxury/travel/757/the-47000-holiday-for-dogs.html I’m thinking the UK might win the prize.
LikeLike
Good point haha
LikeLike
I’ll keep it simple Donna…you are an amazing writer! Love it!
LikeLike
I’m blushing Val! Many thanks!
LikeLike
Pingback: Silent hands make light work | litadoolan
Pingback: Silent hands make light work | litadoolan
So YOU, Donna–using your integrative powers to revel in mother love, bray at absurdities, and compel us to look a little closer at the good we can do that’s so needed in the world. Thanks for a great post!
LikeLike
And thank YOU Liz for the lovely compliment.
LikeLike
Pingback: Weekly Writing Challenge – The Sound of Silence – 17 FEB 2014 | Joe's Musings
Pingback: On the art of better living | soulfoood
Pingback: Hue Of Silence | Views Splash!
Pingback: The Awkward Love Song of Abigail Archer [BOOK REVIEW] | Ramisa the Authoress
Pingback: The Awkward Love Song of Abigail Archer [BOOK REVIEW] | Ramisa the Authoress
I love a well written, thoughtful rant; enjoyed this thoroughly. And if you haven’t already started, it sounds like you might have a picture book in the making. Thanks for posting!
LikeLike
Thanks Red. Actually, I have several Picture Books I’m working on.
LikeLike
Pingback: Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence | mariestephensgardening
I agree entirely…what are your thoughts on doggy-parlours Donna? ha ha ha
LikeLike
I think you know…oh, and welcome to America! I hope you’re having fun.
LikeLike
ha ha 🙂 Thank you Donna – its certainly different
LikeLike
Oh, that is is. After 20 years in Germany, it’s taken us a while to readjust too…good luck, just keep an open mind.
LikeLike
Pingback: Letters from the Silence – 20th February, 2014 | Wired With Words