TWO QUIRKS, A CONSIDERATION, AND A QUANDARY – a.k.a. Peculiar Pandemic Ponderings

THE QUIRKS:

  • My husband surprised me with blueberry pancakes for breakfast today, and for the first time ever, I noticed that I eat my pancakes in measured quadrants reminiscent of PHI, the law of divine proportion. 
    • Later, I nibbled on a slice of cheese – left to right, left to right – like a vintage typewriter devouring a sheet of paper in a rush to immortalize a burst of inspiration,
      without the carriage return’s ding, of course.

      A CONSIDERATION:

      If a woman has no children, she is childless. If a child has no parents, it is parentless. Why then is a bloodthirsty pirate said to be ruthless? Unless of course, he’s done away with his unfaithful wench and her name was Ruth.

Continue reading

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LEGO LOCKDOWN – THE STOWAWAYS

“Won’t you step into my spaceship,” said the spider to the fly. “Tis the speediest little spacecraft in which you’ll ever fly. It will take us to great heights, ones you’ve never reached before. Just soar up here to where I’m hanging, beside the cockpit door.”

“Oh, no thank you,” said the fly. “Though your invite sounds quite grand. I’m happy here upon the earth, buzzing o’er the land.”

“Are you certain?” said the spider. Continue reading

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THIS Weekend! Visit the BAY AREA BOOK FESTIVAL From Home!


Attention Book Lovers!
#BayAreaBookFestival #Unbound is bringing authors and programs to the comfort and safety of your home starting May 1-3.

“Our aim is to bring you a meaningful slice of literary goodness: one we hope will be a powerful antidote to the chaos of this challenging time.”

Launching  HERE over the weekend of May 1-3 the Bay Area Book Festival will premier a series of riveting live and recorded virtual events on their YouTube channel, featuring a lineup of acclaimed authors. Topics range from voting rights, to health and wellness, to the role of art and literature in these trying times. And, of course, a robust slate of sessions for kids, teens, and families is also on the program.

Here’s a snippet of the stellar KidLit program. Cooool! Right? See you there! Cheers ❤

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MOTHER LOVE – An Earth Day Tale

It’s been seven years since this story was first posted (2013). Our planet’s population has increased circa 6.5 million. Have we taken measures to better care for our Mother and ultimately ourselves? Let’s see…

Sweating and belching, the young mother rolls into the Emergency Room at precisely one minute before midnight.

The attending physician’s eyebrows take on the appearance of his last patient’s electro-cardiogram a moment before her death.

“What is it this time?” he says.

“My temperature is rising,” she rasps.

“Sweat streams like rushing rivers down my face. My feet burn. I can hardly breathe and my mouth is as dry as the Grand Canyon in August.”

His eyebrows cinch. “Has the stabbing pain in your lungs worsened since last you were here?” Continue reading

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LEGO LOCKDOWN – An Old Wife’s Tale



The rumbling stopped. The ground ceased to quake. The blaze slowed and flickered out with a sputter. While the cloud of fumes from the Saturn V rocket cleared, two masked figures stood beneath the behemoth bickering.



“What do you mean, it’s over the top?” He normally would have stroked his chin and tugged on his greying beard at this point, but things being as they are these days, Continue reading

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TP TAILS – Laughter is the best medicine

 

Many of us have heard the one about the five loaves and two fishes, but what about the two rolls and one Joe Dog? Continue reading

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BEHIND THE SCENE – MASTERPIECE TALE No. 1: The Artist’s Daughter

Marie-Anne Carolus-Duran would rather have been sitting in a dark and musty closet ensconced in a nest of her riding instructor’s malodorous paddock boots and picking lint bobbles from her Sunday frock than posing for a portrait with Yéti.

The Maltese preferred the reference to Bigfoot over his given name, Mon-Petit-Chou. It was more menacing than being called someone’s little légume. Mon-Gros-Chou, as Continue reading

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MURDER AT THE CHECKOUT – An Unsolved Mystery Resolved

BURIED ALIVE: HOLY GUACAMOLE – HOW I ATE MY WAY FROM UNDER AN AVALANCHE OF AVOCADOS

SURVIVAL:  ATTACK OF THE MUTANT MARS BAR *warning: article contains peanut reference

I LOST 50 BAZILLION POUNDS IN 24 HOURS. YOU CAN TOO!

The headlines on display at my local supermarket’s checkout counter #3 are mesmerising. It’s hard to look away even though I could care less about who

married whom last week, who’s been divorced within ten minutes of marrying their soul mate, or who was so totally flummoxed to the point of being hospitalized when their great dane gave birth to a litter of chihuahuas. Continue reading

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HAPPY NEW YEAR from MY PLANET

If there were a planet between Earth and Mars that took 415 days to orbit the sun and we were blessed with living on it together, this New Year’s greeting would be on time.

It would still be the evening of January 1st, 2020. My laptop’s white-gloved-hand icon would be poised over the publish button, primed to press and send this post wishing Continue reading

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FROM MRS. HUMBUG TO YOU – A (sort of) Holiday Greeting

“‘Tis one week ’til Christmas,” resounds through the house.
“And nothing’s been hung on the tree,” groans my spouse.

Up go his arms in a frenzy, a near panic.
“‘Twas weeks ago I dragged the box down from the attic!

“No Santas, no manger, no cookies, no lights?
What’cha been doin’  all those days and most nights?

 

“No halls have been decked, no doors wreathed, or bespangled,
There’s mistletoe in heaps, and the garland’s all tangled. Continue reading

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