‘Twas the night I decided to write a ‘twas poem,
One week before Christmas when no one was home.
But for dream ensconced hounds, their paws all a’twitch,
The house was as still as the warts on a witch.
I was still feeling grinchy, though everything’d been done—
From choosing a tree to the stockings that’d been hung.
Was it the sunshine, the warm breezes that felt so out of season?
Most likely, ’twas the fishdeer.
That must’ve been the reason.
I was sitting in my jammies, swathed in candle’s scented light,
Eyes closed and sipping cocoa,
Mulling over what ‘Twas to write,
When suddenly, there rose a clatter,
and a CRASH!
Trailed by words I’d never say for fear of sounding brash.
“OH HO-LY Sch-NIKE! What the fava bean was that?”
Except much worse rolled off my tongue,
As a matter of foccachia fact.
I leapt off the couch.
Hit the floor with a SMACK!
Grabbed hold of my laptop,
Swung it ‘round, until
“Oh, no!” I exclaimed.
“Please, not the TV!”
As it dropped off the wall and knocked over the tree.
And that is when it came again—the clatter, whoosh, CRASH!
‘Cept this time it ’twas different
‘Twas complete with billowing ash.
My heart pounded loudly,
So loud ’twas difficult to hear,
And my throat had a lump, the size of a goat that bleat “Baa-baa-baa” inside my ear.
Adrenalin, now pumping,
Wreaking havoc in my wake,
I dashed up the stairs screaming,
“I’ve been good! For goodness sake!”
Then lo and behold, from the top of the stair,
I let go a gasp, as no one was there.
‘Twas far from a thief
Or even Santa arriving early.
‘Twas in fact, a wily weather front,
A nor-wester, being surly.
Relieved all was well, I put pen to paper,
Describing to St. Nick,
the eve’s harrowing caper.
And what do you think that sweet old man did,
Even though he had so much to do?
He sent me a note that said,
Cheer up my sweet, I’ve got techno-elves on it for you.
There’s only one hitch. One still needs a tweak,
So, your mailman’ll deliver your devices next week.
Now that, my dear friends,
Is the end of my ‘Twas.
I hope that it ’twas entertaining.
Alas, if it ’twasn’t,
Well, then that’s too bad,
For ’tis Christmas,
And there’ll be no complaining!
I wish you and yours
Much health, peace, and happiness