STONES FROM THE RECTUM—A Tail of Adventure

“No. We already have a dog. One is enough,” I said. Once, twice, a quadrillion times.

It wasn’t even the kids asking anymore. It was Ronald, my hubby dearest. I thought of suggesting he go get himself a fish if he needed a new pet, but then I knew I would be the one crying and humming “Amazing Grace” when it came time to flush it down the toilet upon its final journey to The-Great-Ocean-In-The-Sky. For at least an entire year, I managed to stay true to my convictions, maintaining that “Jazzie and I don’t need company.”

And Jazzie agreed.

And Jazzie agreed.

Yet, here I sit, almost three years later with Lucy lying across my feet, snoring like a two hundred pound truck driver with sleep apnea. Not a surprise, really. Succumbing to constant nagging discussions on the subject is how Jazzie had soared into our lives over thirteen years ago—also on the wings of multiple fingers crossing hearts— all promising to pitch in and feed, walk, play and bathe her. For the most part, it worked, unless of course she’d taken a fine roll on some dead rodent, in wild animal poop (deer being her favorite), or out upon the field after a local farmer had just fertilized it with fresh dung—pig, cow, or a mixture of the two (no preference here)—then bath time was my responsibility. Oh, but I digress—

We bought Lucy for my daughter. Well, that was the excuse at the time.
And, you can see now, why I caved.

44973_1302656741496_740133_n She came to live with Elyse in San Francisco after I had an extremely weak moment at a pet store during a visit to the States.

Lucy turned out to be a quirky little puppy. This became clearly evident with her choices in places to sit, thereby earning her the name Lucy Goosey:

Just hangin' in the laundry room

Just hangin’ in the laundry room

But then, even after The Goose had grown some, and came to live with us in Germany when Elyse had a very busy semester, she continued to find odd places to sit, like—

On the sofa...

On the sofa…

On the window sill...

On the window sill…

On the patio table.

On the patio table.

BUT, the most unusual place we ever found her sleeping was here:

Now, when Lucy’s not barking at flies on the wall, or at me to take her out for a walk, which I’m not complaining about, because then, in addition to getting any much needed exercise, I’m also exposed to the beauty of our new California surroundings—

A walk up the street, to the top of the hill...

A walk up the street, to the top of the hill…

And toward home again...

And toward home again…

Fantastic, right? Ah yes, well—as I was saying, when The Goose is not

SLEEPING...

SLEEPING…

SWIMMING...

SWIMMING…

CHASING DOWN BUBBLES

CHASING DOWN BUBBLES

WALKING WITH HER FRIENDS AND TRAINER, SIR-WALKS-A-LOT

WALKING WITH HER FRIENDS AND TRAINER, SIR-WALKS-A-LOT

...OR CHARGING THROUGH PUDDLES...

…OR CHARGING THROUGH PUDDLES…

 Then she’s doing other goofy things, like eating rocks:

189864_1475252340563_6477133_n

And now—the segue complete—to Lucy Goosey’s adventure one chill and blustery day—twenty-four hours spent at the Tamalpais Pet Hospital, which resulted in the removal of:

Three stones

In the 'RUFF'

In the ‘RUFF’

One laparoscopically removed, two shot from their intestinal constraints on the waves of an enema—diamonds in the ruff rough.

I still wonder sometimes—had they been given more time to submit to the pressure of Lucy’s devilish and intense innards,

255487_2978095506418_1759748153_n

Would those rocks have turned into glistening precious stones?

imgres

Then at least I could have used them to pay the Vet bill!

What crazy things have your pests pets done lately?

About Donna Gwinnell Lambo-Weidner

I am an adventure seeking ponderer of the mysteries of the universe, writer of children's books (represented by Stephen Fraser of the Jennifer DeChiara Literary Agency), and lover of anything involving armor, archery, or swashbuckling.
This entry was posted in ADVENTURES, HUMOR, LUCY and JAZZIE and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to STONES FROM THE RECTUM—A Tail of Adventure

  1. ubensmom says:

    BEST BLOG ENTRY EVAH!!! What is lyperscopically? Kiss all dogs from me!

    Like

  2. Julie says:

    Hysterical! I love the pics to go along with the story!

    Like

  3. ubensmom says:

    Also so funny to me was the oh so calm Ron W. trying (in vain) to get her off of the dining room table. A shriek would have been my gut response! Has she figure out that the table tops are not for her? How is the training going?

    Like

  4. Bill Kozain says:

    This was hysterical!! I will share this with the family…

    Love,

    Nina

    Like

  5. Debbie Barton Rosman says:

    Loved the video! Has Lucy taught Jazzie any of her tricks?

    Like

  6. maggiemay_7@verizon.net says:

     Hi Donna,Really enjoying your Blog. You’ve really got a talent. See your dogs really hit home for me.I lost my Maggie  Dec. 4th this week. She was 13 and 7months old, not bad for a goldie. I’m having such a hard time, I miss her terribly. I hate coming home, the house is so empty. I hate the thought of being without a dog but I don’t think I could go through losing another one. Life is truly bittersweet. Enjoy every moment with your beautiful dogs.Hope you and your family are all well.Debbie   

    Like

  7. erika says:

    this is lucys ha ha grandmother””’i had to watch her in germany and i am so very sure that her mother smoked pot. she is one active dog [ i have anoher word for her] love abuela

    Like

  8. Vic says:

    loved this post. The cross outs, the photos of you, the videos – very cute. I think my favorite is Lucy sitting on the couch. Maybe you can get her to sit on the toilet too?
    Love,
    Vic

    Like

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