A PETTY THIEVES’ TALE

photo 2Sir Francis Bacon once said, “Opportunity makes a thief.” Indeed, it does. For what do you think happens when you leave a box full of donuts untended in a room with two Labrador Retrievers?

Now, when I say a box full, I mean a heap – a complete dozen. I’m talkin’ three Bavarian Kremes, two chocolate glazed, four jelly, an apple crumb and two powdered.

If you’re thinking the obvious answer is a couple of bloated (w)itches with a ‘B’  or  puddled boat loads of barf on the living room rug well, no, not this time. Although, having read some of our pooches’ previous antics, I can understand why you’d think that.

No, this time, Jazzie had Madison, our visiting friends’ puppy, as an accomplice to the dastardly deed we’ve come to dub – The Dunkin’ Donut Incident – a magical tail tale of canine high-jinks involving the aforementioned box of sweets erroneously left sitting on the bar height kitchen counter when our families joined together for an afternoon of fun-in-the-sun adventure and forging memories that would make us laugh for decades.

I’ve always envisioned the scene leading up to the event to go something like this…

Her wet snout pressed up against the front door’s glass sidelight, Madison barks, “I thought they’d never leave.”

In classic retriever pose – nose twitching and directed toward the countertop,

183474_1503092392262_3132786_n.jpg one paw bent and lifted, tail straight, level with the floor – Jazzie howls, “Finally!
The smell’s been driving me insane.”

Madison sprints to the kitchen, her toenails clicking on the cool, tiled floor. “I still can’t believe they left them out in the open.”

“That’s thanks to you, you know – faking you had the runs – a little distraction goes a long way. If they didn’t leave when they did they’d’ve been late. My humans hate to be late.”

“Yyyy-up. The circling around the island must’ve done it – except, I was really casing out the counter – trying to find a way to drop that donut box when no one was looking.”

“That, my dear Madison, might not have boded well for us.” Jazzie huffs. “But we have other fish to fry right now.”

“Fish? Where? I love fish!”

“No. We have another problem. I can’t reach that high. It’s the curse of the British breed of Lab – short and stocky.”

“Rrrrruff break, but maybe it’s just as well.” Madison hangs her head. “Both our vets said we need to lose a few pounds.”

“That’s easy for them to say. They don’t live next door to Cheerio packin’ babes like we do.”

“I know. I’ll fall over and play dead for anything – except maybe lettuce.”

“Me too, unless, of course, there’s blue-cheese dressing involved.”

Brrrrrruuuuuummmmmmm
The air-conditioner kicks on.
A cool blast stirs the air.

*Sniff – Sniff*
“There it is again!”
Jazzie pants.

28796_1242003625206_4510201_n.jpg

“That smell – uuggghhh!”

“Time to make grab the donuts!” Aiming for the counter, Madison bounces up on her hind legs. “Nooooooo!” Her paws slip off the ledge.

“Try it again!” Jazzie cheers. “You can do it! Go Girl Go!”

Madison snorts. She barks. She leaps ———– She stumbles, falling short of her mark.

“Smell that chocolate! Sniff that jelly! I want SPRINKLES in my belly! ” Jazzie chants.

Madison rallies. She backs up to the wall. Scrambling until her feet gain traction – she’s off, running at breakneck speed – she leaps – aaaaand

photo-1.jpgTOUCHDOWN!

“Grrrrrreat job Madison!” barks Jazzie. “Good Girl. Now just remember: even-steven, one for you, one for me, one for you, one for me. You can start by tossing me that apple crumb.”

“Rrrrright, that’ll teach Alex for not playing with us today!”

CHOMP – CHOMP
Mumpf – Mumpf
Buuuurrrp!

R.I.P. Madison “Mama” Chapman

photo (12)

Thanks for the memories – for the fun, the laughter, and the tears.
See you again on the Rainbow Bridge
With a bag-o-dunkins’ in hand.

About Donna Gwinnell Lambo-Weidner

I am an adventure seeking ponderer of the mysteries of the universe, writer of children's books (represented by Stephen Fraser of the Jennifer DeChiara Literary Agency), and lover of anything involving armor, archery, or swashbuckling.
This entry was posted in ADVENTURES, FAMILY, HOLIDAYS and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to A PETTY THIEVES’ TALE

  1. menomama3 says:

    A whole dozen???! Stomachs of steel those pooches have!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Victoria says:

    love this post. It’s fun to get into the mind of the dog. That’s probably exactly what was going on in their minds. How do you know it was Madison that jumped and not Jazzie?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Teela Hart says:

    Laughing…..this is such a great story. I love it.
    Thanks for making me smile. 🙂

    Like

  4. LOL! Well, this was a biting tale that definitely kept my eyes wide open, (but not “glazed” over!) I loved the Hole thing, but especially “Rrrruuff break!” That’s my roomie’s style! ps. Just LOVED six word memoir post, too!! Never saw that before.

    Like

  5. CrazyGuyinThailand says:

    haha 😀

    Like

  6. ubensmom says:

    I was chuckling along until the end, Sniff. RIP Madison. Sniff.

    Like

  7. SO funny! Hope the repercussions have been minimal… Tried to like and was, again, thwarted by WP’s inability to complete – dunno whad dats about. XOXO, P

    Like

  8. Lyn says:

    That reminds me of when our German Shepherd ate the huge piece of fat I’d cut of the pork roast. He was so sick. He’d just lie on the floor throwing up and would then stick his head in his water bowl and lap some water before throwing up again. Poor baby, I even forgave him for jumping on the chair to get at it.

    Like

  9. Jenni says:

    Naughty woofers but I can just see it. You know I bet it went almost exactly as you imagined it did. That was great thanks for the laugh.

    Like

  10. Reblogged this on Donna Gwinnell Lambo-Weidner and commented:

    What better TBT than the second National Donut Day of the year to share a tribute tail about two old donut lovin’ dawgs…

    Like

  11. ubensmom says:

    Lol. RIP Mama dog.

    Like

  12. Awwww….such a nice story. We meet Madison and lose her in almost the same breath. Sort of like those donuts, huh?

    Like

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