HECK HATH NO FURY LIKE MS. MUFFET SCORNED

I invite you to read my submission for Susanna Leonard Hill’s  March Madness Writing Contest

The Challenge: Write a children’s story, in poetry or prose, maximum 400 words, that is a fractured fairy tale. Feel free to add a theme of spring, or mix in one of the spring holidays if you like…
Have fun with it!  The madder* the better!  *as in wild and wacky …

You’ve still got until 11:59 EDT tonight to join in!

The following is my entry of exactly 400 words – you may find it a wee bit grim – but at least no one is eating little pigs, or grandmothers, or children…

HECK HATH NO FURY LIKE MS. MUFFET SCORNED

This is a fable of lies and deceit—
Not for the faint-hearted or stomachs that’re weak.
The tale, its author, the unpopular Father Gander,
Is told from his viewpoint with unflinching candor.

There once was a young man known to most as Young Jack.
He liked it that way ‘cause it cut him much slack.
For who could believe that someone so young
Would make fat Mrs. Sprat the brunt of a pun
Or that Jack was the cause of Jill’s spill down the hill?
Indeed, Willie Winkie watched on from the mill.
And afterwards, poor Humpty—yes, Willie saw it all,
The push down the hill, the shove off the wall.

Now, Little Ms. Muffet had her issues with Jack,
As did an Old Woman, Bo-Peep, and a cat.
Except Ms. M’s love had been spurned by Jack thrice,
So she swore to destroy him, no matter the price.

Her patience paid off whilst on her tuffet one day
When her plan for revenge crystalized in a most auspicious way…

Shivering, shaking, M feigned her distress.
As Sy happened by,
A huge lie she professed,
Knowing full well he’d take off after Jack,
To save Muffet’s honor—yes, Sy did things like that.

With a kiss on his lips and a promise of more,
Sy bound from the house with a slam of the door.
“FEE-FI-FO-FUM
“I’ll not give up till I find that bum!”
Upset, Sy ran off, his nose in the air,
But he couldn’t smell Jack,
Not his hide, nor his hair.

Soon he bumped into Baaaa, a black sheep.
“I still have my wool,” she woefully bleat.
“It’s the white ones who’ve lost it
“Jack cropped, sheared, and tossed it,
“Before chasing them up that steep hill—”

Although Jack was nimble and known to be quick,
He could not outrun Sy and Sy’s walking stick, “Flick”.
Sy stopped, checked the wind, aimed Flick at Jack’s back,
Then he flung it, and bingo!
Flick laid the boy flat.

Then with a “FUM, FO, FEE, FI!”
Sy first, ground Jack’s bones into gooseberry pie,
Before returning to the love of his life
And asking Ms. Muffet, “Will you be my wife?”

The Moral Of The Story?

Beware of one-eyed-giants bearing just desserts.

(A grimmer version of 437 words may be found HERE)

About Donna Gwinnell Lambo-Weidner

I am an adventure seeking ponderer of the mysteries of the universe, writer of children's books (represented by Stephen Fraser of the Jennifer DeChiara Literary Agency), and lover of anything involving armor, archery, or swashbuckling.
This entry was posted in ADVENTURES, HUMOR, POEMS, WRITING CHALLENGES and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

32 Responses to HECK HATH NO FURY LIKE MS. MUFFET SCORNED

  1. Teela Hart says:

    This is priceless. I tweeted it. I hope you don’t mind. 🙂

    Like

  2. Teela Hart says:

    And good luck. 🙂

    Like

  3. Wow, Miss Muffet is someone I would not want to cross. Poor Jack! (I also say that because my son is named Jack). Love how you wove in so many nursery rhymes/fairytales.

    Like

  4. Jane English says:

    sheered — should be sheared

    j

    http://www.eheart.com

    Like

  5. Juliana Lee says:

    Sounds like Jack has multiple personalities! 🙂

    Like

  6. Elliah Terry says:

    Wow, you got a lot of different fairytale charaters in there! Nicely done.

    Like

  7. Erika W says:

    Really great job with a whole cast of characters in there! Reads great!! And I can’t help but comment on how much I love shearing coming into the story!!!!

    And who doesn’t love a bad a** Ms. Muffet???!!!!

    Like

  8. Pingback: Not A Nice Girl – March Madness | Unload and Unwind

  9. Jenni says:

    Hilarious – inspired me I can tell you – went and checked out the site and had my own little effort.

    http://jenniferann1970.wordpress.com/2014/03/25/not-a-nice-girl-march-madness/

    Thank you so much it was brilliant, very clever and I always like a good comeuppance story.

    Like

  10. Oh, my! Best not get on Ms. Muffet’s bad side! Jack was a naughty one, but to ground up for pie seems a bit extreme 🙂 Thanks for an original and fun take on the old tale, Donna! I’m so glad you joined in the contest fun!

    Like

  11. Fi, FIe, Fun, Fun, Fun!

    Like

  12. Donna…what a fun mash up of several fairy tales and nursery rhymes…gotta love strong women, right? 🙂

    Like

  13. jackiewellington21 says:

    I enjoy reading these stories. You delivered the fun; and I appreciate it. Thanks for sharing 😀

    Like

  14. Oh goodness – – you must submit this to other places too. It’s Fairytastic!! Honestly, you had better win or I’m gonna huff and puff and well, you can imagine the rest. ps. “Bearing Just Desserts!” PUN PERFECTION!!

    Like

  15. Corinne Fabian says:

    You’ve surely outdone yourself on this one….congrats! Loved it…

    Like

  16. laura516 says:

    I am so impressed how you included so many nursery stories and rhymed and used ‘punny’ expressions!

    Like

  17. You certainly twisted the tales! ‘Love the moral of the story.

    Like

  18. Now this is TALENT!

    Like

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