You know the question. We’ve all heard it. We’ve all asked it. Whether we’re chatting with our neighbor sitting next to us in the window seat, standing serpentine in a line at the grocery store, or sipping cocktails at the hippest place in town, me? yeah right! ninety-nine point nine percent of the time someone asks, “So, what do you do?”
When I was a Stay-At-Home-Mom the guilt over not having an ‘outside’ job in addition to my familial responsibilities left me sputtering like a dying carburetor. Out loud, I’d hem and haw about how my adventures with the frantic four left little time for anything else, but inside I was asking myself how the focacchia did my mom-peers find the time to be welders, bio-chemists, lawyers, and artists between changing diapers and cleaning up barf? And why was I feeling like I should be keeping up with them?
I get it though. Heck, before I had children, I too used to wonder what a mother did at home all day without going insane. How many times could she blow on a boo-boo, clean a toilet, or fill the washing machine?
For years, I felt like a slacker. I could see that same thought reflecting back at me in people’s eyes, too. Or at least I thought I did. Thankfully, that did change when a now, dear friend innocently asked that loaded question, only this time ending it with “all day.” Armed with an answer that had been stockpiling for years, I shot back, “Well, typically, once the children have been taken to school, I change into turn of the 20th century lounge wear, grab a good book -preferably one with little or no plot- drape myself across a plush divan,
and sip a range of Martinis all day long:
Cosmopolitan, Milky Way,
and even ‘dirty’ ones when I’m feeling particularly frisky.
Between drinks, I suck sumptuous goo from an assortment of bon-bons until 3:00 pm,
whereupon I stumble out to the garage and remind the driver
to pick the rug rats up from their after school activities,
before following the scent of cinnamon rolls back to the house to advise the chef
when dinner should be ready.”
After an apology and a good laugh together, I felt much better about myself. Although the question did continue to haunt me for a time in every OCCUPATION box on standardized forms that crossed my path – things like tax returns or patient questionnaires – until finally, upon further reflection, the sun set on the answer…
SEE ATTACHMENT in bold black ink would speak more to the truth of the matter:
“Besides being the housekeeper, laundress and cook,
I am the hugger, the kisser, the unconditional love dispenser,
the daily event organizer, the entertainment director,
the transportation administrator, the procurer of supplies,
the banker, the accountant, the psychologist,
the counselor, the teacher, the tutor, the religious instructor,
the etiquette professor, the integrity enforcer,
the judge, jury, and both defense and prosecution lawyers,
the diplomat,
the nurse, the coach, the cheerleader,
the arts and crafts director, the fashion consultant, the travel agent,
the pet supervisor,
the electrician, the plumber,
the butcher, the baker,
however, not
the candlestick maker.”
Applause and hugs to all the mothers in the world.
You rock!
Especially those of you employed outside the home or doing it all on your own.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom, your patience, your never-ending sacrifice,
Your recipes, your love, your guidance, and advice.
😘 HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY 😘
CHEERS!
Donna Gwinnell Lambo-Weidner 
The divan shot is divine! I’m about to go lounge on my couch with my first glass of wine today and read a book. Non-fiction – The Language of Trees. Here’s to you and to motherhood, Donna. But here’s also to finding your writing place and at last to a room of your own to write in. Cheers!
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What a wonderful way to spend the day. That’s a book on my to read list, too. Can’t wait to hear what you think of it. Be well, dearie, à santé!
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Terrific essay.
Happy Mothers Day to you.
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Thank you!
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I laughed out loud. More than once. ❤️❤️❤️
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Now you’ve made my day even better, Susan! 😀
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Oh I think every mother should have a chaise lounge to lie on and enjoy a cocktail or two and some decadent petit-four chocolates.
Hope your Mother’s Day was as good as mine Donna, 😀 Breakfast at my youngest daughter’s: French toast (cooked by 13 year old grandson) Bacon and tomato (cooked by 15 year old granddaughter) pancakes (cooked by son in law). All served with maple syrup. After that it was off to the soccer match to watch 15 year old granddaughter play – sadly they lost 5-0. Then it was back home where Master 13 and Miss 15 made chicken Caesar salad. Then son and his tribe arrived. Three huge bouquets of flowers, two boxes of chocolates and innumerable kisses and “climb-ons” by by Masters 3 and 6 and Misses 5 & 4 later, I went home exhausted but very, very grateful and blessed ❤
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Glad to hear your day was filled with joy, Lyn ❤️ Mine was, too.
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Wonderful, wonderful piece. I’ll attach it and share the link to any forms I need to fill out.
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Thanks, Oona. Feel free to personalize it. ❤️
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The most important job in the world. Children never forget it.
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I’m happy you see it that way too, Derrick!
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Hoping your mother’s day was grand! Loved your piece and the photos:)
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Thanks, Corinne. Hope yours was a good one, too.
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I love this. I have had similar feelings and experiences over the years. But I still wouldn’t change a thing. I hope you had a wonderful Mother’s Day!
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Thanks, Naomi. It’s always nice to know I’m not rowing in my boat all alone. I did have a great day. You too, I hope.
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Absolutely!
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sweet!
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Thank you 🙂
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I think of you often and you were a starring member in a dream last night. I am technology challenged but would love to get in touch again. I am in Tucson, by myself with a little dog.
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SOOOOOO happy to hear from you Leslie! I’ll be in touch!
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